Two people approached me with different concerns last week. One had heard a singles' group described as a “Bunch of Losers” and wanted me to point out all the positive aspects of such an organization. Another was nursing hurt feelings after being criticized for having more than one girl-friend at a time. Both were victims of an obsolete mindset that lags at least 20 years behind the times, but rears its painful head and nuts us when we are at our lowest ebb.

It goes something like this: - “The only valid and respectable form of affection is between one man and one woman who are committed to each other to the exclusion of all other relationships. Any man who spends time with a number of different women is a cad and any woman who goes out with more than one man is a slapper.”

My response is to quote Sir Winston, “The answer is in the plural and they bounce!”

A healthy singles' organization has its strength in the ability of its members to befriend each other, to rebuild damaged lives without compulsion to rush from one flawed relationship to another and to get to know, accept and value themselves and a wide variety of other people without pressure or unrealistic expectations.

As another young man observed, most of us join such an organization hoping, whether we admit it or not, that eventually there will be someone who will meet our needs to love and be loved. But, failing that, it is a safe place to make new friendships and explore new possibilities.

And, yes, girls, these were all men who expressed exactly the same sort of problems we talk about amongst ourselves. They need to be reassured, just as we do, that it is OK to have pals to accompany on country walks, others to share a meal or a game of Scrabble and possibly another with whom to have a kiss and a cuddle if lightning strikes.

In some cultures it is still not acceptable to have friends of the opposite sex, but in our culture, and with the kind of experiences all singles have in common, we have learned to trust ourselves, to state clearly what we do, or do not want and to strike our bargains accordingly. As individuals, we are all free to choose our own goals in life and decide what will best fulfil our particular needs. We are also free to decide which of another person's needs we are able, or willing to meet. If we are unable to meet their needs or they are unable to meet ours that does not in any way invalidate their needs or ours, nor does it devalue what we both have to offer.

We spend much of our early and middle years trying to reach some unattainable goal of perfection imposed by society. Often it is not until we find ourselves alone again with the support of a singles' group, that we are able to decide who we really want to be and what we really want to do with the time we have left.