The SeeSaw

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The childhood game of SeeSaw is a good illustration of how two people can have fun by co-operating. It teaches children to take turns and to assist each other.

And it illustrates the futility of self-aggrandisement.

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The essence of self-esteem is self. It is about our internal view of ourselves and our relationships. If we are truly comfortable with who we are we are able to accept others on an equal basis.

But often we are trapped into believing that our own values can only be validated if they are accepted unconditionally by some significant other.

Thus we sometimes come to play the game of SeeSaw in which only one of two players can be up at one time. The other MUST be down. Therefore to elevate ourselves we must put someone else down.

If we find ourselves constantly needing to convince others that we are right AND THEY ARE WRONG, we should suspect that our self-esteem is a little rocky.

There is nothing wrong with pointing out a superior way to perform, or with demonstrating our own excellence in any field, as long as we don't find that our personal satisaction depends on acknowledgement not only that we are better but that SOMEONE ELSE IS WORSE.

This is a real bar to co-operation, as establishing who is best fitted to control the interaction becomes more important than accomplishing the task.

If both contestants need to be on top, a real up-and-downer of a battle can ensue, but a less threatened opponent may simply walk away to find a partner with whom the game can be enjoyed.

As on the SeeSaw, there is a healthy form of co-dependency.

This can be achieved by both partners freely allowing themselves to experience both highs and lows. Changing places, supporting each other, acknowledging each other's right to periodic ascendancy and assisting the necessary moves enables both to obtain the maximum satisfaction from the game.

One person constantly elevated and one on the ground can get pretty boring after a time, even for the one in the air, who may come down to earth with an almighty crash if her (or his) counterweight gets fed up and walks away. The top dog then realises her undeniable lack of ability to keep herself in the air without assistance.