"I love me, I love me, I LOVE MYSELF, I do.
I love, me, I love me, I tell myself it's true.
I take myself down lover's lane. I tell myself I'm grand.
And then I take me back again. And then I hold my hand..."

(Old music hall song)

Whilst I do not suggest that we need to go quite so far in being nice to ourselves, it is good to acknowledge that we do not have to do without the good things in life unless someone else gives them to us.

The myth of a miraculous twin soul who will recognise a worth we do not see ourselves and love us with selfless devotion, showering all manner of good things on us, protecting and serving us, rescuing us, solving all our problems and content only to bask in the light of our appreciation, is simply that: - a myth. But we can be all those things to ourselves. When we appreciate ourselves we are then free to appreciate other people for who they are and not try to fit them into a mould to suit our unmet needs. We no longer need to cry "Why aren't you more like me?"

We no longer need to expect some form of telepathic communication on the grounds that if we have to ask for something it is not worth having. We can choose openness and honesty. We can go out and find the things we need. We can negotiate with dignity and reason.

A friend is a gift we make to ourself. The same is true of a lover, a husband, a child, a sunset, a walk in the woods, a hot bath, a good meal. When we like someone, we want to make them feel special, to do something nice for them, to see them happy. If we can give freely of our love, as of anything else, unconditionally, with joy, because it is what we want to do, we free the channels of an eternal supply. We are happy because we are meeting our own needs to give and we receive so much in return, not neccessarily from the person to whom we gave, but from the universe. The channel is open and love, happiness and the necessities of life flood in. It becomes impossible to give anything away, as whatever we pass on returns to us a hundredfold.

When we withold our love or anything else, doling it out grudgingly and fearfully in exchange for behaviour that conforms to our specifications, always alert for an exact return, always afraid we will be short-changed: - we are unhappy. We are suspicious, apprehensive, resentful and we are blocking up the channels that would sustain us if we let them freely flow..

Just as life energy keeps the body healthy when it can flow freely, so everything from love to success, money, creativity and joy comes round to us more often if we share and allow it to go round. Everything we give away returns to us, from a smile to a bunch of flowers.

The most precious gifts we have to bestow are to love ourselves and others and to allow ourselves and them to be who we truly are.

Often we would not treat our worst enemy the way we treat ourselves. We blame ourselves, suppress ourselves, doubt ourselves, deprive ourselves, silence ourselves. Sometimes we hate ourselves, despise ourselves and drive ourselves beyond all reasonable limits.

If no-one is around we slop about in our oldest and tattiest clothes, which is O.K. if we honestly feel more comfortable that way, but not so good if we have some obscure idea that looking and feeling good is a waste of time unless someone is going to share it with us. The same applies to making a special meal. We are essentially social animals. That is part of our programming for survival. But in the absence of a nurturing other, it is perfectly O.K. and in fact essential, that we learn to nurture ourselves.

If you are perfectly content to spend all day working for a boss, all evening working for your family and all weekend working for your community, good for you, you have a well-developed altruistic streak. Alternatively, you may be so afraid of intimacy that you buttress yourself behind business, or perhaps you feel so worthless that you constantly need to point to your achievements as proof that you are earning the right to exist.

People who are lost, miserable and unhappy, exploited, frustrated and demeaned are often persuaded to accept their situation by misapplication of religious principles.Simple survival strategies get buried under religious and moral homilies, with particular stress in Western communities on the Protestant work ethic and self- denial.

Religions have a lot to answer for. The holy books of most are so obscure and self-contradictory that they can be used to suppport many extremes of behaviour.

These inconsistencies were meant to hide the truth from all but the spiritually mature whilst stimulating curiosity to develop spiritual awareness and growth.

Most of them, however, stripped of their persiflage, reveal a simple message of love. Love God. Love your fellow men. It does not actually say love yourself, but it instructs you to treat your body as a temple of God, live wisely, develop your talents, and even states that the purpose of existence is to have joy, to appreciate the wonder of the world created for us, to enjoy the skills and relationships we develop and to know the abiding love of our Maker.

Again, the message is one of choice. We are given advice as to how to live. But I do not believe that we are damned if we leave the path of mindless obedience. Whilst that is comfortable, we follow it. We are trained in certain values that will keep us safe.

But as we grow and question, make our own choices and experience those truths for ourselves, our faith will be tried and strengthened. When the values of service, love and freedom from fear are willingly embraced, a selfless being is a creature of great beauty. However, that selflessness proceeds not from a lack of self-esteem, but from a self-respect based on knowledge of one's origin and purpose and a willing sacrifice of things that no longer have any importance in the great scheme as we understand it, in order to gain blessings of far more lasting value.

True humility is not self-disgust, but self-actualisation.

I like the simple expression of self-worth made by a simple American rustic.

" Sure, Ah'm somethin' special.
God made me. An' he don' make no rubbish".