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ANGER

A healthy discontent is the first step to progress - Emerson.

"No, I'm not angry... hurt, maybe.. bewildered, disillusioned, ashamed, guilty.. but not angry, I can't say that."

"No, I'm not angry....perhaps a little sad, disillusioned, determined to do better, but not angry, no, not that."

"I'm never angry. What good does it do? It doesn't change anything. It just upsets me and other people. I just feel helpless and a bit sick."

These comments are typical of people who have learned the lessons of childhood messages. "Control yourself." "Don't make a fuss" "Simmer down". They then spend the rest of their lives doing just that.

They expend vast stores of mental energy controlling their emotions, hiding them from others and even from themselves, whilst underneath they continue to bubble, seething silently. And because these feelings are forbidden, they accept the blame for everything that goes wrong, because they don't deserve anything good.

They know they are discontented. They don't know why. But they do know that they have no right to resentment.

Another kind of person handles the same problem in a different way. They know they are angry and they know why. They intend that everyone else should know too. They rehearse their anger and in so doing exhaust a nervous system kept in a constant state of "flight or fight" excitation.

"I'm bloody angry. They won't get away with it. I'll make myself felt. They took on the wrong person this time"

Yes, I'm mad, and why shouldn't I be? If you don't like it, you know what you can do.."

"Don't tell me to shut up. I intend to be heard. I'll scream and scream and scream until I make myself sick!"

Some people might argue that these temper tantrums are legitimate ways of working off steam. I would dispute that as a wasteful, offensive and ill-thought-out strategy.

In the first place it distresses and alienates those who are not directly responsible for the anger. The person who does not like it does indeed know what he or she can do, and may well do it.

In the second place it is often counterproductive. The employer who took the wrong man on can easily dismiss him.

Thirdly, it is bad for the health. Constant excitation can lead to stress symptoms, heart and blood pressure problems, auto-immune disease. Yes, you will make yourself sick...and it is so unnecessary, so impractical..such a waste.

Assaglioli, high priest of psychosynthesis, identified rage as a primal force, an upwelling of raw energy, having no regard for consequence, no conscience and no morality.

The following exercise is best done with a trusted companion, or by reading the instructions onto tape, slowly, with pauses to give yourself time to follow the instructions. Then make yourself comfortable when you have an hour or so to yourself and play the tape back, working through it. You can repeat this as often as you like. Gradually you will become more comfortable with it, and you will be able to reclaim and convert the energy you wasted in repressing anger to enable you to function more efficiently in your every-day life. ..........more............