ABUSE

Alistair was a young man who was abused as a small boy by a trusted and beloved uncle. If he ever permits himself to think about his sexuality, it is as something shameful and degrading. He has so far discarded the bewildered young lad he once was, that he speaks of his uncle , now deceased, with the greatest of affection and respect.

He is unhappy, unfulfilled and has discarded great chunks of his potential along with the hurt child he refuses to acknowledge.

Together with awareness of the physical feelings he experienced, he has repressed his sexual self.

Together with the child he used to be, he has discarded his creativity, spontaneity and sense of fun.

He has a vague awareness of himself as a bad boy who could get out of control.

He fears he may be someone who may behave badly; someone who cannot be trusted.

He is afraid to get close to anyone in case they should find out how wicked and unlovable he really is.

The righteous anger which should be directed at the man who abused his trust has been turned inwards against himself.

He is so afraid of what he or others may see that he will not look at himself, nor will he allow anyone else to see the hurt child within.

In therapy, it is possible to create a safe place where nothing is forbidden.

With a trusted therapist it is possible to look at the unthinkable without fear of judgement, rejection or punishment, to rediscover what actually happened.

The next step after rediscovering the past is re-appraising it.

Amongst many other techniques, psycho-synthesis could give him the tools he needs to rebuild himself in a totally acceptable form.

The little boy he used to be could ask the man he is now for advice on dealing with just that situation. Between them they could arrive at an understanding that the little boy was in no way at fault in submitting to the attentions of an adult he loved and trusted.

The fact that he experienced some pleasurable sexual feelings was only to be expected. He was biologically designed to do just that.

The pain he felt was not a well-deserved punishment for wrong-doing. His anxiety was a direct result of threats and suggestions made by a man he does not want to regard as evil.

Because the boy's experience and feelings are not available to him on a conscious level, they have the same power to incite fear as the dragon under the bed. The more he refuses to look, the more he is paralysed by fear.

But the man he is now can understand that no eight-year-old boy sets out to seduce an upright adult. He could even explain to his child self that it does not negate a relationship in which he loved and respected a man who was often kind to him.

That man also had a hurt child inside whom he could not control, because he would not see him. That frightened boy who became an uncle had only one way of defending himself against the man who earlier abused him. He became him... and abused his nephew in his turn, thus disowning and destroying the hurt child within himself.

Once the young man can appreciate how his uncle was also a damaged person who was doing his best to cope with feelings he could not understand, he can forgive him and pity him as he can forgive and pity the child he was himself.

The last step in reclaiming power to redress the past is to rewrite it. Amongst other applications, psychodrama is the art of re-enacting unsatisfactory episodes from the past. How often have we thought of things we wish we had said when it is too late. Well, through psychodrama, we can go back and say them.

The strong adult the young man is now, can go back and enact a scene where he can tell the uncle that what he was doing was wrong, understandable but unacceptable, resented, repulsed, but now forgiven.

Psychodrama is also the art of putting ourselves in someone else's shoes.

By impersonating the uncle, the young man can gain valuable insight into the thoughts and feelings that contributed to the event. He can realise that there was a genuine affection together with the ungovernable urges that drove an unhappy man.

He does not have to sacrifice the image of a loving uncle in order to focus on a sad , confused human being who hated himself for what he was doing, but did it anyway.

By reclaiming the past, he accepts reality. He accepts his uncle and most importantly, he accepts himself.

In an insoluble dilemma, he did the best he could.