"YOU'RE NOT LUCKY - YOU DESERVE IT."

The title alone will give you some indication of the way in which you characteristically see yourself. The person whose self-esteem is reasonably healthy will interpret the sentence positively:

YOU DESERVE ALL THE GOOD THINGS WHICH ARE HAPPENING TO YOU !

Someone with a poor self-image will interpret the sentence negatively:

YOU ARE AN UNLUCKY PERSON AND IT IS ALL YOUR OWN FAULT !

Your self-esteem is in need of a boost.

Self-esteem is an attitude of mind that reflects one's opinion of how competent one is in various areas of life skills. It also reflects the value one gives to each separate area of accomplishment.

The main areas of concern are social competence, intellectual competence, practical ability, physical prowess, appearance, recognition and power.

EXPOSING A FALLACY
This illustrates one of the key areas in which problems occur with self-esteem. In a market-oriented society, we tend to confuse merit with marketability.

Media images of ideal men and women in ideal situations with ideal skills actually bear little resemblance to people in the real world. These images are often superficial and misleading in the extreme, but we tend to accept them without question.

We would all be much less insecure if we looked carefully at the images we accept without conscious scrutiny. Do we really want those attributes in ourselves, our children or the people we love? Is there really nothing of greater value?

If another human being does not react to our qualities as we would wish, we must look at their requirements more closely. Realistically, there may be no match between what one person has to offer and what another requires.

RECOGNISING OUR NEEDS
As individuals, we are all free to choose our own goals in life and decide what will best fulfil our particular needs. We are also free to decide which of another person's needs we are able, or willing to meet.

If we are unable to meet their needs or they are unable to meet ours, there is little room for negotiation, but that does not in any way invalidate their needs or ours, nor does it devalue what we both have to offer.

The real key to healthy self-esteem is ego-integrity.

We can spend a lot of time in our early and middle years trying to reach some unattainable goal of perfection imposed by society or by our significant others. Often it is not until we reach old age, with its narrowing vistas; that our options are curtailed by our realisation that there are limitations we must accept. Much of the clutter and hype is left behind and we are able to decide who we really want to be and what we really want to do with the time that is left.

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